August 9th to August 10th
Warning: Long as hell angry rant. rated PG-13 for Language.

So the good time had during the beginning and middle of summer went away quickly.

My parents were supposed to go to court to finalize their divorces thursday. Before they did, they went over the agreement they finally came to. My father decided to throw in a little "addition" to the alimony. My mom's boyfriend has to move out in order for her to get alimony. He hasn't been able to find a job b/c the economy sucks. We'll get evicted if he either doesn't get a job and my mom doesn't sign it. she said she'd never let it get that bad. but what the fuck dad. The only reason he gets to say that is b/c he hasn't TECHNICALLY moved into his girlfriends house. He's living there. His stuff is there. His mail just doesn't go there yet, so he hasn't "officially" moved in. FUCKING ASS HOLE. I thought it might've been b/c he thought i hadn't adjusted to my mom's b/f living with me. I really do like him. It was weird at first, but hes cool. i don't want him to leave. so i was like maybe dad's trying to in some messed up way make my life better, i should set him straight. I email him telling him i dont want this blahblahblah cuz the last thing i want is more fuckin change. and he emails me back saying its about money and has nothing to do with me. he's "trying to be fair" between him and mom. WHERE THE FUCK AM I in this "being fair" business? this is gonna screw everything up again. i just got to the point where i was happy with my whole situation. He just cares about his fucking money and controlling everything and don't tell me i'm overreacting, i've tried to be fucking reasonable and understanding. I've talked to my sister and all my friends who have no bias at all. he's just being a fucking control crazy ass hole. He's got his new family and that's all he cares about now. I'm sure im in there somewhere, but whenever they are around he just forgets about me. I don't want to talk to my dad anymore. He's gonna end up emotionally killing my mom (her boyfriend has no other choice since he can't find a job he has to move back to texas with his parents) and all he cares about is saving money and making sure he doesn't "officially" move in with his girlfriend so she still gets her alimony. and i think something is wrong with maggie my cat again. shes throwing up hairballs like crazy (more than normal) and i think i saw blood in her stool again (not sure i'll check for more later) and we can't even afford to take her to the fucking vet cuz dad is an ass hole. I think I'm getting sick too. It's what my friend had so I know the doctor can't do anything its just the fucking cold. but food doesn't taste good. (when i get sick food doesn't taste right) and my throat is sore. I have band camp tomorrow and we'll be outside marching when it's hot as hell. I feel weird being single and my ex is still getting too touchy feely with me like trying to poke me in the stomach (our group of friends does poke each other its a joke but im not ready for that) It's already hard enough. I keep like almost acting like i used to with him when i know i can't and its ridiculous, but he's not helping. It's either no contact with him or all that comes with being a friend with him. I just need to ease back to being a friend. Iono how to explain that to him. I need new clothes all of my jeans decided to rip all around the same time and in places where you can't fix them. and i feel like it's either new clothes or a visit to the vet for maggie and i'm pretty sure she needs it. but i dont even know what to tell them is wrong with her, and then they'll have to do all sorts of expensive tests which cost a lot and then there'll probably be meds to give her and all sorts of crap and i dont know what to do. and i'm not ready for college crap at all and i probably should already be applying to schools. I don't even know where i want to go right now. Idk if i'll even be able to afford it anymore cuz im sure my dad has blown all the savings he had for that on his vacations. I dont want school to start i'm not ready for it. im gonna be fucking 18 in like 3 and half months. I mean i know what i want to do. double major math and art. i dont know if i can get a fucking job in either of those that i'll like and be able to still eat especially the way the economy is and im terrified. and i just didn't want this divorce thing to become a fight and now it has and i hate it. it's not even like over something worth it anymore. dad's just being childish. Mom hurt dad so now hes gonna hurt her back. that's all it comes down to. And now its 2 in the fucking morning im not tired i just have the worst head ache ever because im crying. anyway this goes unless my dad takes that stupid little addition out of the agreement, my life is gonna become ridiculous again. either my mom is gonna be depressed beyond all reason b/c her boyfriend had to go to texas and she can't see him, or i'll get evicted and i'll probably have to end up living with my dad and not be able to finish my last year of high school at AHS and ill have to go to like arundel or something and live with dad's girlfriend and her annoying as hell two kids. either way its gonna suck. And now i dont have anyone to just hold me. at least not someone that im in love with. and getting held by my mom doesn't count cuz that just makes me feel like everything is gonna suck more cuz she'll end up crying too.
..I'm gonna try and go to sleep and drink lots of fluids and crap so i get better ASAP.. cuz i have senior portraits on the 17th and driving on the 14th with the instructor and band camp from the 10th through 13th. and the highs for band camp dont go below 80 and thats hot when you're out on a football field marching for like 2 hours. hopefully maggie will come hang out with me and help me sleep. shes a good kitty.

August 2nd
Okies to update you guys on my life and what not since I've been gone at art camp and visiting my sister. So I am now currently single. It was semi-mutual (more so on my side than on his or at least as much as I know, although he has taken it way better than i have) Since we had been having many fights, it had just gotten too much to handle emotionally for both of us. So I is a single lady again for the first time in over two and a half years.

Note: Please do NOT lose your minds. Me and my boyfriend broke up. no confusion there. (when i told a few people they got all confused and i had to repeat myself multiple times which was annoying. if you don't get it read this journal multiple times)

Art camp rocked my socks. it was completely amazing. I will take some photos of stuff i did while at camp in a bit.

I already miss my sister. It was an awesome visit.

Donno what to think for Band this year. It's gonna be interesting. so we'll see.

The school decided to schedule our senior portraits automatically without us DURING summer and I didn't even get the letter. AHS sucks >.>

Yay. Fun stuff. So that's an update of my life.

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